10 points:I wrote something very SAD to practice English,Can u please rate it for me ?

10 points:I wrote something very SAD to practice English,Can u please rate it for me ? Topic: 10 points:I wrote something very SAD to practice English,Can u please rate it for me ?
May 24, 2019 / By Jarlath
Question: Hi,guys,I have been learning English for a long time.But I have no idea how well I have mastered English so far.I wrote something and would u please check it and rate it from 1.0 to 10.0 ?Thank u.Both compliments and criticism are welcome. If there is one thing in my life I will never forget,it would be that tragedy which happened 12 years ago in that small town where I spent my whole childhood.No one seems to want to remember that event. on September 17,1998.In a small remote town,A 14 year old girl's body was found by the police.That crime scene ,like a knife,left a permanent scar in everybody's heart who was present at that time. The girl , dismembered ,was lying in a pool of her own blood,with a small Jasmine flower in her bruised little hands.Her eyes were wide open,staring at that roof which witnessed whatever happened to that invulnerable and fragile girl. Everyone was dead silent,standing motionless in that cold and dark garage,feeling sorry for this tragedy. I haven't finished it yet.But so far what do you think about my English ? awww,Thank you,Eric.so sweet ! Error correction: vulnerable instead of invulnerable
Advertisement
Best Answer

Best Answers: 10 points:I wrote something very SAD to practice English,Can u please rate it for me ?

Frederick Frederick | 4 days ago
I think it's beautiful but very sad . It must have left a deep impression upon you. I would offer a few tiny changes as follows 1.how long I have mastered IT 2 in THE small town 3,in a small REMOTE PART of town , 4 in her bruised little HAND OR HANDS ? 5.which witnessed WHAT happened to that VULNERABLE and fragile LITTLE girl. 6. Everyone STOOD MOTIONLESS, IN TOTAL SILENCE AND IN DEEP SHOCK .WHILE GRIEVING THE TRAGEDY IN THAT COLD,DARK GARAGE. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT WILL REMAIN WITH ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I capped the Few changes I made in your beautiful, Unforgettable Essay. Hope this helps.
👍 96 | 👎 4
Did you like the answer? 10 points:I wrote something very SAD to practice English,Can u please rate it for me ? Share with your friends
Frederick Originally Answered: LOOKING FOR ENGLISH MOTHER TONGUE! Can anyone tell me if I wrote this passage in correct English? Thank you!?
It is readable, but not proper English, and a few words are incorrect. Hopefully, my revisions will make better sense. Notes - Since I don't know what you meant by "route bound", I wrote **seminar** instead, as it seems to make better sense, however, I would suggest you remove the asterisks I placed, find whatever word you intended, and replace it. *** During my time in university, I encountered a variety of subjects, but as a whole, they would help me to learn many things such as history, economy, law and human rights. During the first period of two years, I frequently saw success in courses concerning the Italian judicial system (private law, public law, constitutional law) and I started the study of economics and historical subjects. After the first year, I continued to study English and French, having begun at the junior high school level. In addition to this, I frequented some seminars organized by some of my professors, in the sphere of problems bound to the Italian form of government. In the second period of two years I decided to attend a **seminar** in international politics and human rights, deeply examining the study of international relations both from the historical point of view (“history of international organization”) and subjects like international law and international relations. Considering that from the beginning of my school career I had special interest in the United Nations and its activities, I decided to examine thoroughly this theme with the course of “international organisation” that was centred on the study of the U.N. During this time, I had the opportunity to frequent a seminar concerning the process of the U.N. international sanctions, and to be heavily involved in this organization. Human rights themes were faced in several courses like “human rights”, “bioethics”, “international protection of human rights”. With the study of “political and economical geography” and “history and institutions of Afro-Asiatic countries” I could face themes tied to underdevelopment, made deeper with a series of meetings outside of the university, centred in Africa and its problems. Becoming fond of this topic, I decided to develop my graduation thesis right on the decolonisation problems and on difficulties faced by African countries at the moment of the arrival to their independence. Particularly, I dealt with the Belgian Congo event and the problems that this country has lived in the last years of European colonialism. *** I hope you find my revisions satisfactory and helpful. It is still worded a little oddly, but it's the best I could do to improve the flow of words.

Delaiah Delaiah
You have done well, though I think you should improve on punctuation. Let me write this: If there is one thing in my life I will never forget, it would be that tragedy which happened 12 years ago in that small town where I spent my whole childhood. No one seems to want to remember that event. On September 17,1998 ,in a small remote town, a 14 year old girl's body was found by the police. That crime scene, as like a knife, left a permanent scar in every body's heart who was present at that time. The girl, dismembered, was lying in a pool of her own blood with a small Jasmine flower in her bruised little hands. Her eyes were wide open, staring at that roof which witnessed whatever happened to that invulnerable and fragile girl. Everyone was dead silent standing motionless in that cold and dark garage and feeling sorry for this tragedy. I editted your writting, though you had some problems with your punctuation (,) and need only small improvement in fragmented sentences. Do you speak english very well? You seem to command the language almost perfectly. I hope this helps
👍 30 | 👎 2

Barzillai Barzillai
I'd say it's quite good overall, but there are too many "that"s! Also, the second paragraph should be: On September 17,1998, in a small remote town, a 14 year old girl's body was found by the police. Like a knife, that crime scene left a permanent scar in the hearts of everybody who was present at that time. There are no grammar mistakes, overall, and I like your style (apart from the "that"s), so I'd say 6-7. (It's hard to judge your style from just a short text like this.)
👍 27 | 👎 0

Zeruiah Zeruiah
Lyrics are quite warm, yet once you opt to be on NAS' point, study his lyrics. i might say you provides you him a run for his money for confident. 8.5 out of 10......too many metaphors...the place's the story? NAS is a lyrical storyteller. You went from being Joe Frazier to Ali....did not Ali beat Joe Frazier? additionally, slightly too lots call dropping. BTW, i'm no rap expert, basically giving my own opinion. good job however...damn good job!!!
👍 24 | 👎 -2

Shena Shena
you are doing very good. how long have you studied english? the biggest thing i would work on is punctuation. your grammar and word choice are superb, as well as your spelling. 7.0 (could change depending on how long you have been studying it.)
👍 21 | 👎 -4

Shena Originally Answered: Can you proof-read this paragraph that i wrote in Spanish? Easy 10 points, thank you!?
-tengo un raton blanco -for matematicas you could say geometria(geometry) -mi trabajo es tareas de mis clases. -me gustan muchas cosas. -me gusta ver peliculas -escuchar mùsica de mi iPod -no me gustan las ara~as y los insectos -tampoco me gustan las peliculas de miedo. -mucho gusto conocerte -chau or adios
Advertisement

If you have your own answer to the question 10 points:I wrote something very SAD to practice English,Can u please rate it for me ?, then you can write your own version, using the form below for an extended answer.