CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME ON HISTORY? 10 POINTS!?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME ON HISTORY? 10 POINTS!? Topic: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME ON HISTORY? 10 POINTS!?
April 22, 2019 / By Tara
Question: hi guys!!! this is an excerpt from my essay about the Navigation acts. can you proofread it and give any suggestions on how to make it better? the last sentence sounds kinda wierd to me. thank you so much!!!! The colonists were restricted in many ways by the trade laws that were established. For example, the colonists could only transport exported or imported goods on either English ships or colony-built ships. If they wanted to trade anything with anyone else, they’d have to first ship it to England so that England could collect the tax. Furthermore, some items could only be traded with Britain such as tobacco, sugar, and cotton. Thankfully, these laws were not strongly enforced. If they were, havoc would have broken loose in the colonies because trade with these items with other countries flourished. Thank you so much to all who answered so quickly!!! @Moggel74: that wasn't the beginning of my essay. just an excerpt... but thx! ur answer was really elpful!!! :D
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Best Answers: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME ON HISTORY? 10 POINTS!?

Rio Rio | 4 days ago
"The colonists were restricted in many ways by the trade laws that were established." [This is your opening sentence. Based on what you have, the essay is going to be based on the Colonists and not so much the trade laws, which I don't think you mean to do. You place the colonists as the direct object instead of the trade laws, and judging from the rest of your essay, I think you should open with the trade laws as the subject/direct object. So rewriting the first sentence could be something like, "The trade laws restricted the colonists in ________, _________, and ___________."] "For example, the colonists could only transport exported or imported goods on either English ships or colony-built ships. " [Try to steer away from using "For example". The essay suffers from these kinds of sentence additions. The comma creates a pause from the thought you are trying to convey. I would change this to a more definitive transition, such as "One example of ______(1st point)____ is that both imported and exported goods could only be transported on either English ships or colony-built ships." Remember to focus the sentence on the direct object.] "If they wanted to trade anything with anyone else, they’d have to first ship it to England so that England could collect the tax." [Who is they? Avoid using pronouns, as it might confuse the reader. I know pronouns make the essay shorter, but the actual names not only give a clear and concise description of who is the subject, but will also make the essay sound more holistic. "If the colonists wanted to trade any cargo with other nations, they'd have to first ship to England in order to pay a exportation tax."] "Furthermore, some items could only be traded with Britain such as tobacco, sugar, and cotton." [This sentence is fine, no change needed.] "Thankfully, these laws were not strongly enforced. If they were, havoc would have broken loose in the colonies because trade with these items with other countries flourished." [Avoid using anymore pauses at the beginning, so remove thankfully. Also thankfully is a state of gratitude, and you should avoid stating any kind of opinion in your paper. Just stick to the facts. I think the last sentence needs to be joined with the second to last to complete the thought. "The laws by the British were not strongly enforced, but if they were, havoc would have broken loose in the colonies because trade with the other countries flourished."]
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Rio Originally Answered: History Questions? 10 points?
Do the schools no longer issue history books? The answers really ought to be in there. 1. D--ever heard of the Sistine Chapel, or the sculptures "David" and "Pieta"? 2. B--I'd suggest "Romeo and Juliet," "A Midsummer Night's Dream," or anny of his sonnets 3. C--art, architecture, prototypes for parachutes and tanks, just to name a few 4. A--this painting is a fine example of an early use of perspective 5. C--this was the accepted way of challenging others to a debate; Luther didn't start out intending to break from the Catholic faith--he was a monk, after all 6. B--this led to the end of the Catholic monoopoly, if you will, on religion in western Europe 7. A--this was the complaint not only of Luther, but of earlier reformers such as Wycliffe and Huss 8. C--a Venetian by birth, most at first thought his account to be fiction, as it seemed too fantastic 9. B--they were looking for water routes that wouldn't take them around the Cape of Storms, better known as the Cape of Good Hope (an early example of 'spin'--if you got past it, you stood a better chance of reaching India) 10. D--it was Bartholomieu Dias who reached the Cape of Good Hope, and Vasco da Gama, his countryman, who actually got to India by water, and it was a Portuguese prince known as Henry the Navigator who established a school for sailors

Miriam Miriam
i would say this...."The trade laws that were established in ____(insert year)______ restricted the colonists in many ways; such as how they were only able to transport good on either English ships or colony-built ships. If a colonist wished to trade with someone the colonist would first have to ship the item in question to England so that a tax could be collected before an actual sale could be made. Also some items were only allowed to be traded with Britain, some such goods were tobacco, sugar, and cotton. Fortunately for the colonists such laws were not enforced strictly and if they were the colonies would have revolted for they made their own money by trading with other countries and such trade was flourishing greatly and leading to wealth among the colonies." hope it helps :)
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Lina Lina
Trade with these items flourished and the laws were not strongly enforced. For England to do otherwise would have caused economic havoc in the colonies.
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Kailee Kailee
"...these laws were not strongly enforced." This was called salutary neglect if you wanna throw in some vocab. I think in the last sentence you should mention that tensions were rising due to the colonial opposition of the previous acts. And instead of saying that "...only be traded...cotton." You should say that Britain had a monopoly on those imports/exports. Keep in mind for future reference: "Thankfully," seems too informal for this kind of essay, and you always want to add facts where ever possible.
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Gwenn Gwenn
Since trade with these items with other countries flourished, havoc would have broke loose in the colonies if the laws were strictly enforced.
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Gwenn Originally Answered: Help on history homework (Thomas Jefferson) 10 POINTS!?
Jefferson was the clearest thinker and best writer of the founding fathers. He had the clearest ideas of what the new country should be about. He was a Deist, a 'Free Thinker', and he was interested in dozens of things. He played musical instruments, did his own architecture, collected wines, and invented everything from improvements to clocks to a better plow for his own farm. He had the biggest collection of books on the continent at the time. He founded the Unversity of Virginia, the first secular university in the world, or as he put it, the first university built around a library rather than a church.
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