Do I support boyfriend's decision to quit school AND quit school for him too?
Topic: Do I support boyfriend's decision to quit school AND quit school for him too?
June 27, 2019 / By Alexis Question:
Boyfriend shocked me with a life-changing decision, do I support him?
So, it's nearing the end of Fall semester and my boyfriend is getting bombarded with crazy assignments and finals. He's in his first semester of a BS to PhD track in Aerospace Engineering. I was originally on that track as well but just dropped down to a BS to Master's of Engineering in Aerospace Engineering because, honestly, HE could not handle me doing research while I worked full time and took one class. He likes spending all his spare time with me and although I like that too, I also believe in working hard first and then playing after. He takes plenty of youtube breaks and loses focus a lot which makes it impossible for me to keep focused as well. So, to accelerate HIS PhD ambition, I decided to drop my PhD track and take on the burden of caring for the house/dogs/chores, etc (while working). I'm not saying he does nothing... he does his share, albeit a lesser one, lol. This was all fine and dandy with me as I saw him graduating with a PhD, getting a job that pays a lot more than what I make now ($55,000) that would allow me to finish my degree or stay home with potential children (whichever is applicable).
Well, he just dropped the bomb last night that he is contemplating quitting school altogether. He wants to get a full time job like me and with our double income, he wants to have the freedom to do whatever he (or we) want(s) after work and on the weekends. He dreams of vacationing and spontaneity. He wants to be able to buy me nice things (he's been a full time student as long as he's known me, so he hasn't been able to do that yet). He knows that with an undergraduate degree, he probably won't find his dream job (I certainly didn't!) but he is willing to do the daily grind for the freedom outside of work. With school now, he has no extra time for anything. I understand ALL of this, but I'm also kind of in the position he wants to be in and honestly, I think what he thinks will happen is a bit of a pipe dream. Yes, we'll have double income. Yes, we'll not have homework to do when we get home. But, to me, the idea of working at my current job where my aerospace knowledge is useless to me, is TORTURE. And eventhough we'd have time/money to do whatever outside of work, from my job experience so far, it seems like the everday useless grind (I have a job where I really make no difference with anything) would just send us into a spiral of mal-content. We might be content at first, but I foresee a "what am I doing with me life?" crisis down the line if we both quit school. Oh, that's the other thing... he wants me to quit school as well, if he decides to quit completely. He says if I was still in school, the whole "free to do whatever" would not work either. So, the question is... "Do I support him 100% with this decision or try to convince him otherwise?"
Best Answers: Do I support boyfriend's decision to quit school AND quit school for him too?
Tylar | 4 days ago
It was crazy to drop your classes down to one for him to begin with. You can not make him want to suceed, study or focus, by enabling him to escape the consequences by doing the majority of the work,supporting him financially with your full time job, you are just making it easier for him to drop out. With the current job market, will he even find a good paying job and what will the career and salary path be for that? Degree holders generally speaking, make a better salary overtime than non-degree holders. He will be leveraging his future earnings for laziness.
Who knows how long he will be around? Maybe he gets tired of you or the life he has with you--he leaves and you have no education to fall back on to support yourself and any children you may have. That 55k job may not last forever. Not to mention if your job is torture now, how will it be in 15 years? That kind of unhappiness comes home with you and could make the relationship sour also.
He is being irresponsible and immature. Are you sure you both have the same vision (and have discussed it with him) of your future together? Children certainly are more time consuming than homework. You need to think long and hard about what you want YOUR life to look like. You can't change him, and you need to honor your needs and ambitions also, before you lose more time with him. If he is caving and giving up now when the work is just starting to get hard, where will he be when illness, children, un/underempolyment, bills are late, crazy in-laws--you know life-happens? Will he be there to support and work beside you or will he be whining that he wants to "be free to do whatever" and you need him to help out with something? You will be doing it all alone and the resentment will kill the love. Don't let him pull you down too. Be leery of anyone that wants to hold you back from your dreams and plans.Please think long and hard not only about this particular decision, but about this relationship. His behavior is immature and self seeking and doesn't speak will for him as an adult partner.
👍 176 | 👎 4
Did you like the answer? Do I support boyfriend's decision to quit school AND quit school for him too?
Share with your friends
Originally Answered: Should i quit volleyball?
I understand. My teammates don't like me either lol. And I was really bad at volleyball. I was a bench player the whole season and probably got a total of 5 minutes playing time.
I had volleyball practice every school day for 3 hours. I would get home and eat, then barely finish my homework before going to bed bc I was so tired.
But for me it was worth it. I love volleyball. I love playing even though I am so bad at it. The feeling of hitting and serving the ball with all my strength helps me get rid of my stress. one time my coach said in front of my whole team that he would not put me in any games for the rest of the season, and I didn't care, as long as I still got to practice it was fine. Playing in games made me nervous anyway. practicing was fun though. so I stuck with it.
so sorry if this didn't help at all but I was just sharing my story to see if you could relate with it. if you do, and you realize that you love the sport, then disregard your teammates and just play because you love it.
For all your verbiage, you are missing a lot of vital information. You say he is on a BS to PhD track - how far is he in that? Does he have a BS yet?
The decision is a classic one for college students: make money now or make (hopefully) more money later? I always opted for more money later and it turned out to be the best decision.
👍 70 | 👎 -3
You should make decisions for yourself... you aren't married....If he wants to drop out- good for him.... as for you- I would focus on what makes YOU happy... and clearly you don' t want to drop out and do a meaningless job your whole life....
👍 67 | 👎 -10
He is an adult, let him make his own decision about his education.
You are a fool to mess up your own eduction for a guy.
👍 64 | 👎 -17
I suggest u nt to do this, this wil affect ur career, you should convence him,, and u should not change ur school......its my req also
👍 61 | 👎 -24
Originally Answered: How can I get my parents to let me quit piano?
I'm 14 and I quit piano last year and it's the worst mistake I've ever made. I really think you should just stick with it. I know that is not what you want to hear (I didn't want to hear that when I was playing) but if you find some really cool pieces to play (like stuff on the radio or more jazzy pieces) it's a whole lot of fun. Keep trying!
Maybe watch The Pianist. It's a little disturbing, but it's really inspirational when it comes to music. It really makes me want to play again. :D Good luck!