Do you plan on having kids?

Do you plan on having kids? Topic: Do you plan on having kids?
July 16, 2019 / By Johnathan
Question: POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassing the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this.....you pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right. Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do...or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job. ** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! Smartgirl, my wife and I had five, raised six and I have eleven wonderful grandbabies. It's Sataur not a hate letter.
Advertisement
Best Answer

Best Answers: Do you plan on having kids?

Gus Gus | 10 days ago
If you are considering having children than learn from this.. 1. Child Prep#1- Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems: Buy an octopus and a string bag. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that none of the tentacles hang out. Time allowed for this: all morning. 2.Child Prep #2- Get completely ready to go out. Then, wait outside the bathroom for half an hour. Go out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it. Walk down it again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to minutely inspect every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream that you've had as much as you can stand, until the neighbors come out and stare at you. Give up and go back into the house. You are now just about ready to take a small child for a walk. 3.Child Prep #3- Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, take out 10% of the beans. Men: To prepare for paternity, go to the local Pharmasist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell the pharmacists to help themselves. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. 4.Child Prep #4- Always repeat everything you say at least five times. 5.Child Prep #5- Find a couple who are already parents. Observe them for one evening. Then comment on their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it, this will be the last time in your life that you have any clue about child rearing. 6.Child Prep #6- Forget the BMW and buy a SUV. Don't think you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that. Buy a chocolate ice and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a grease gun. Shoot some in the cassette player. Take three peeled bananas. Mash them down the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There. Perfect. 7.Child Prep #7- Can you stand the mess children make? To find out, first smear marmalade onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains. Hide a fish finger behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Stick your fingers in the flower beds then rub them on the clean walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Ask yourself, how does that look? 8.Child Prep #8- Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side. Now get a bowl of soggy corn flakes and attempt to spoon it into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane. Continue until half the corn flakes are gone. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are now ready to feed a 12 month old baby. 9.Child Prep #9- To discover how the nights will feel, walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a bag of water weighing approximately 12 lb. At 10pm put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, till 1am. Put the alarm on for 3am. As you can't get back to sleep get up at 2am and make a drink. Go to bed at 2.45am. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off. Sing songs in the dark until 4am. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. 10.Child Prep 10- Sample the Destructive Powers of Childhood. Borrow a dozen baseballs from your little league coach friend. Put on any type of helmet. In the room with the most windows, turn the ceiling fan on high. If you don't have a lot of windows a glass front hutch holding fine china will work nicely. While protecting yourself as best you can (you will get better at this after your children become teenagers) throw each baseball at the spinning fan. Do you need more???
👍 108 | 👎 10
Did you like the answer? Do you plan on having kids? Share with your friends
Gus Originally Answered: How many married men w/kids would watch the kids while mom took a weekend break?
My husband has done this for me, plenty of times. We've been together for 19yrs now. I do work, but that never made a difference. He has always been a help around the house. Our family just chips in and works together. Perhaps I am blessed, but I do know of other husbands who have done the same for their wives. I also know others who would never do it (I believe because of security issues). Maybe that percentage should be closer to 50%.

Dye Dye
I've planned on having kids since i was 13. I'm 21 and i don't have any but i still see them in my future. I already have my favorite names planned out. I'm recently single too so the guy i saw myself having kids too isn't going to happen, but i'm only 21 so i still have time yet!! I'd like 4, ideally 2 boys and 2 girls, but i guess i'll see! I definitely want at least 1 of each. Lisa Michelle x x lol x x
👍 30 | 👎 5

Burt Burt
Eventually, I would like to, but the rate things in my life, the way they are going, probably not. I'm 29, single, and want to 1, get out of college before I think of marriage, and 2, I would have to be married first. With me having to wait until August to go back to college, and I lack about 2 years, I woudl have to say, most likely I will not have any kids of my own, but adoption is on my mind. Though being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, has the largest responsibility, it also has the greatest reward if you succeed.
👍 21 | 👎 0

Aldis Aldis
Yes! And if people were a bit more optimistic they would see the positive aspects too. Besides, most people want to give all they have to their childern, it is not a burden. I think it is so sad that people to do not have children and have no continuation. And it is important to realize that everything in life that is meaningful and rewarding requires much effort.. ~~Good for you, I am impressed Jdriven! ~~EU Citizen, you must be part of a very 'compassionate' people...
👍 12 | 👎 -5

Tabatha Tabatha
Well, tough one. All the answers that you've got, naturally, were from people who hasn't yet have children (due to the nature of your question). But still... I have children. 3 of them, I might add. And as much as I love them unconditionally, I sometimes wonder if I'd do it all over. I'm not sure regarding the answer. Its all good and well to say that children are miracles and they give you joy... but the truth is that they also drain you totally. So, the answer is - some days and some days...
👍 3 | 👎 -10

Reene Reene
this is great! i have a 7 and half month old and i just went back to night school. my husband called me while i was in school ad said that he had no idea how i do it all the time. but i love it, and wouldnt change it for the world!
👍 -6 | 👎 -15

Michaela Michaela
Yeah, if I'll ever get married. I'm actually kind of scared of kids because I was never a mom. lol. EDIT TO EG: Congratulations!!!
👍 -15 | 👎 -20

Letty Letty
yes i have a plan in having kids even i don't have kids i am still happy because something should happen when i already have kids i will play with them and i will also take care of them and show lovefor them
👍 -24 | 👎 -25

Letty Originally Answered: Can 45 yr old Dad with 3 kids have a single no kids 42 yr old girlfriend?
you should be getting way more especially since you are having to pay taxes on it also. i wouldn't do it for any less than 12 an hour. tell them that you will have to find a better job if they don't start paying you more. the reason that you have been doing it for so long is because they know that they are getting a huge deal off of you and they don't want to lose that. you are a housing keeper and a babysitter not to mention you pick the kids up and drive them around. i hope they are giving you money for gas. plus TWO babies! i can't believe these people. what a rip off. i use to watch a 4yr old and a 5 yr old and their parents didn't expect me to do anything and i got at least 7 an hour and they were asleep most of the time. i got there at 6 and they went to bed around 8 or 9 and i stayed until 12 or 1. so basically i would fall asleep on the couch and get paid for it. you should really do something about this.
Advertisement

If you have your own answer to the question Do you plan on having kids?, then you can write your own version, using the form below for an extended answer.