Is this a good essay 1st paragraph and thesis?

Is this a good essay 1st paragraph and thesis? Topic: Is this a good essay 1st paragraph and thesis?
June 18, 2019 / By Alyson
Question: A human being begins his or her education at the time of birth and continues throughout his or her life. Since the early 1980's, North America has been "behind" Japan, Taiwan, and China in the subjects of math and science. As a result, America's competence in mathematics, science, and technology is at great risk. Students should be required to have math, science, and reading homework beginning in kindergarten, for there is a strong necessity for students to be challenged at their highest level. According to statistics, the North American education system lacks a firm background in mathematics and science, thus school systems in these areas should challenge students to a higher degree.
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Best Answers: Is this a good essay 1st paragraph and thesis?

Vin Vin | 10 days ago
This is SO much better than what you had before. (lol I replied to your last question about this). It flows and connects one idea. Great job!
👍 268 | 👎 10
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Vin Originally Answered: Is this a good thesis paragraph/statement for a texas revolution research paper? And is it arguable?
You have some interesting ideas, however your writing is pretty convoluted and the grammar isn't always correct. I'm assuming this is your whole introduction, because the bit about the constitution shouldn't be considered part of your thesis statement. The statement, "There can be many things that led up to something important" is very general, and you should really try to avoid making such generic comments. I would change your thesis to be more grammatically coherent. Maybe say something like, "The Texas Revolution, or the Texas War of Independence, was a nineteenth-century conflict between Mexico and the American settlers in Texas. Three important events culminated in this revolution, including the migration of American settlers to Texas, the influence of Stephan Austin, and the fears of the Mexican Congress." Ultimately however, your points about the migrating settlers and the influence of Stephan Austin are one in the same. Also, you need to mention the abolition of the federal constitution of 1824 in favor of the centralized one of 1835, the corruption of the Mexican government, and economic issues following the Mexican War for Independence. I hope this helps.

Rowley Rowley
it's good, but dont repeat his or her twice in the same sentence, how about: A human being begins their education at the time of birth and continues throughout his life. (just a suggestion)
👍 110 | 👎 3

Mordechai Mordechai
Here use this college trick for writing great papers!! Link to site: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/544/01/ So far so good, just stay on top of the thesis and answer it.. like a question! ! That works!!
👍 101 | 👎 -4

Keefe Keefe
The preparation of all and sundry in each and every usa starts off at start and keeps in the time of existence. because of the fact the early 1980's, North u.s. has been "in the back of" Japan, Taiwan, and China in math and technological know-how competence tests. as a effect, u.s.'s competence in arithmetic, technological know-how, and technologies is at super risk. we could desire to constantly have math, technological know-how, and analyzing homework commencing up in kindergarten because of the fact little ones could desire to stand stressful circumstances at an early age. Our expectancies for our little ones must be lots larger (Bempechat 501). The documents through those analyze (reference them), instruct the North American preparation device lacks a company historic past in arithmetic and technological know-how. college systems in those factors ought to undertaking pupils to realize a larger degree of competence. self-well worth could be pointed out as a key to sucess in professions requiring math and technological know-how (possibly checklist those in extra particular words)...(and immediately state what end you should make back) NOTES:. attempt to maintain a consistent prepare of concept throught the finished composition, so as that the reader could desire to come to an identical end which you write. How do you need my modifying and innovations?
👍 92 | 👎 -11

Hebron Hebron
It's a very good introductory paragraph, but I don't like how your thesis says: "according to statistics . . .". You should try, "Statistics prove . . ." or something along those lines.
👍 83 | 👎 -18

Eliott Eliott
I like it!! I assume the very last sentence is your thesis statement, so make sure your body paragraphs flow from that. :)
👍 74 | 👎 -25

Chauncy Chauncy
your thesis statement is amazing. and i really want to read the rest of your essay so id say this is very good.
👍 65 | 👎 -32

Chauncy Originally Answered: Is this a good 3 paragraph essay? Please help me improve it?
It doesn't suck at all- you have done a great job. Please understand that my corrections and suggestions to you are in the interest of making it the best it can be, not to criticize or try to make you feel that you haven't done well. I think you could easily submit it as it already is and have a fairly positive response. Here are my suggestions: FIRST PARAGRAPH: first sentence, change "apposed" to "opposed". second sentence, I would suggest changing "thing" with "program" or other more specific word ("thing" is so vague, it's often frowned upon). last sentence, capitalize "I" throughout the sentence. Maybe instead of saying you lack confidence, it would be good to just focus on how the experience would help you gain more conficence; example: "I think that the healthy competition I would experience in your school would also help me gain more confidence in my academic pursuits." (just an example, but you can use it if you want) SECOND PARAGRAPH: maybe replace "picky" with something that doesn't have the negative connotation, like "diligent", and I would suggest just saying that you are also very 'grammar conscious' or something like that, instead of talking about annoying your friends :-) the next sentence, as far as technical stuff, is a run on sentence- you can either exchange the comma for a semicolon or period, or add a conjunction, like "and". Toward the end of the paragraph, I would consider replacing "shoved in my face" with something a bit less casual, like maybe "forced on me" or "pushed on me" or even "imposed on me". Also, "sister's" is a possessive- if you mean more than one sister (as opposed to something that belongs to your sister), leave out the apostrophe. Capitalize "I"'s throughout these paragraphs. THIRD PARAGRAPH: The first sentence is a run-on. Consider replacing the comma with a period and making it into two sentences. I would also consider changing that whole statement to something more positive sounding; example: "I have always been interested in music and have played around with learning an instrument, though I have not found one that I care to pursue long-term." The sentence beginning with "Music has always..."; you have it ended in a preposition, which is a no-no, and it's a little awkward with the wording. My best suggestion for it would be, "Music has always been an escape for me, and can usually improve my mood and help me gain a positive outlook on difficult circumstances." The last suggestion I have for this paragraph is in the last sentence, rather than stating something negative about your lack of interest in sports, I would think of making the whole sentence more positive, focusing on what your interests are. Like this: "I am an arts oriented person, and have always been more interested in activities such as photo editing and drawing rather than sports." Again, you have done a good job- these are just suggestions since you requested help in improving your essay. I hope I have helped. good luck to you!
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