what do u think of my short descriptive essay? PLEASE READ! -short-?

what do u think of my short descriptive essay? PLEASE READ! -short-? Topic: what do u think of my short descriptive essay? PLEASE READ! -short-?
June 19, 2019 / By Trish
Question: Share. Three years ago share came to America and was my family’s Chinese exchange student, little did I know she would soon become like a sister to me. Share has influenced me by introducing me to the Chinese culture and many details of her life in China, its cool because Share (who’s real name is Chen Lang) has experienced Both Chinese and American customs so her opinion is very unique. As soon as Share walks into the room your eyes eminently pool to her olive toned heart shaped face, although she is timid sometimes, she is always smiling. When Share talks her voice is very gentle and calm, right away you can tell that she is a nice person. any suggestions???
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Best Answers: what do u think of my short descriptive essay? PLEASE READ! -short-?

Salome Salome | 4 days ago
OK its a good start, but I think it still needs quite a bit of editing. If its a descriptive essay, there really isn't much description going on until the last paragraph. So perhaps you should work on that, and also it has mix of casual and formal tones. And you should maybe consider rearranging some of it ex: It was 3 years ago that she came into my life. As a chinese exchange student, she soon became a huge influence in my life, introducing me to a culture i never knew of. That of China, and her life back home. Her views have changed mine so much, knowing that she has a uniquely interesting insight to both american and chinese cultures. And it's not just her views that impressed and intrigued me. The moment her foot steps in the room, you cant help but sense the positivity she brings with her. Always with a sparkling smile, lighting up her face. Her voice is gentle and friendly, although shy. She's one of those people you just want to get to know, one of those people whom you want to befriend. Her name, Share. ok lol that's a bit dramatic but you should try and overdress the text, especially if its an essay ;) .. Hope this helps
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Salome Originally Answered: Help! Any ideas for a short Descriptive essay topic?
Hello... here you have an example in order to do that... I hope it helps you! Mikey's Vacation Essay Michael Garzon Today My Family and I Won a Free Vacation Today my family and I won an all expenses paid family vacation. I was excited to find out. That when they say all expenses paid they mean they will pay for our hotel, food and air travel for five days. In addition to all of that they are also going to give us $1,000 spending money and entry into a park of our choice. Sadly we can’t bring pets. I’m sure I hope I get to go fishing. I am really excited about going on a family vacation. I have an idea of where I’d like to go, but I think I will ask my family what they would like to do first. My family wants to go to a place where they can enjoy themselves. My dad wants to watch a live baseball game. On our vacation I...
Salome Originally Answered: Help! Any ideas for a short Descriptive essay topic?
Something you can put a lot of details in and something you can talk a lot about. How about a dream you had last night or a dream you can't forget? Or how crazy your family is at Thanksgiving? Just make sure you like what you're writing about. And even if you've never been on vacation or experienced anything exotic, just make it up. Who would know that you did? I'm sure you've seen posters, commercials, movies, or heard other people's stories about places like that. Just have fun with it.

Nikki Nikki
Great job. There is a couple of misspelled words and Share's name was not capitalized in the first paragraph.
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Lynna Lynna
it sounds first person in the beginning, but then you said you in the last paragraph. fix that. dont say "its cool"....make it formal writing. Fix that sentence. its a run-on. and right away...not just right away. There are lots of run ons...make them complete sentences. =) good job sounds like an interesting topic!
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Lynna Originally Answered: Can you all please read my short essay for my high school application? I AM IN 8TH GRADE! EVERYONE PLEASE READ
TRY this I have always felt that behind me in everything I did it seemed someone was always there ,with me ,supporting me , and always present . I feel safe knowing this and so far life has always worked out well and I have not fears or troubles because in my heart I feel that someone is watching over me . As I have grown older I have learned that it is Jesus who is with me always because in my heart I have discovered his love for me . Even when things are hard he is by me and able to help and guide me in all that I do . So Jesus is the one factor in my life I must say that has been the most important thing for me . He always has been and always will be with me as long as I keep hin in my heart . This is what they want to hear .
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