What do you think of this poem I wrote?

What do you think of this poem I wrote? Topic: What do you think of this poem I wrote?
June 24, 2019 / By Vicki
Question: Why is it that good lives have to end early? When their body is left in the rain? And nobody cares of the people that die? Why do they have to say bye? Why is it that people are mean? When they spread rumors that aren't true? When they don't care a thing about your life? And they laugh at you and think you're dumb? Why do I have to be the victim? Why is it that the world has no peace? With the terrorism, the wars, the no-tranquility? When there's people who are achingly poor? While there's others who always get more? Why do most have no serenity? Why is it that the world is so mixed? Like a roller coaster, spinning all around? Just a tiny planet? Floating in space? Why are things like this, in this Earthy place? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~... I wrote this. What do you think? Also, I'm 12 years old...so I'm not a perfect writer.
Best Answer

Best Answers: What do you think of this poem I wrote?

Shae Shae | 4 days ago
You know...Your very creative. That poem is awesome..It 's true and it explains life a bit. Mostly for people who think life is unfair. Though, you might want to not make the poem double spaced and take out some of the question marks. It will look better like that.
👍 116 | 👎 4
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Shae Originally Answered: First poem I wrote, what do you think?
It has sentimental meaning to you so you probably want to leave it as is, but if you choose to revisit, I would ask you reconsider rewriting the final two lines, they just don't flow right for me, needs a paring down of the words (though the image of not having these memories, of what could have been is a universal feeling, and its well) and perhaps reconsider the line breaks as well. But of course, when something is put down at a time of grief, it often is not for the poetry, it is for the self, and I would gather this served its purpose well, and leaving it as is may be right. oh, and an offering to the grave, to the departed, to your grandfather: Great idea! It will feel good. Trust me.

Oneida Oneida
Hey first of all don't listen to them I really like the question marks and actually I could care less if it was quadruple spaced. But I would work on some of the word choice; you need something I little bit stronger in some places: dumb, no- tranquility.
👍 40 | 👎 -4

Maeveen Maeveen
This poem is so so true. I really like it. But I also think you should toss out some of those question marks and not leave such spaces between each line.
👍 37 | 👎 -12

Kerri Kerri
i totally disagree with the first comment. this is very UNcreative and it didn't move me whatsoever. yeah, life sucks. get over it, because a poem isn't just complaining.
👍 34 | 👎 -20

Kerri Originally Answered: My Friend has wrote another poem, how do I tell her it's sh*t?
Don't. Tell her it's good and to keep writing. You shouldn't offend people over what they create. That's very damaging, and there's no need. Forget about all the a$$es you see on shows like "American Idol."

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