What to do.?I'm 16 and live in a family of nine children. ?
Topic: What to do.?I'm 16 and live in a family of nine children. ?
July 16, 2019 / By Dolph Question:
I'm 16 and live in a family of nine children, of which I am the oldest. There's so much work and I don't know what to do. My dad works in the military, and when he gets home he usually stays on the couch all day watching tv. All of my siblings are boys, and one was born little over three weeks ago, none of which do chores or anything either. I go to school, come home, and do housework and bringing kids to the park all day until nightfall, when after everything is clean and everyone in bed (~10) I start my homework, and there is a LOT of homework, (Happen to be in a few AP classes) until about 2-3 am. During which I also take care of the newborn. My mom doesn't know, she actually thinks the baby is sleeping through the night. Then get up at six to get everyone else up. I'm so tired, and my grades are falling horribly, because although I do the homework I can't seem to focus enough to commit to memory, and if I sleep instead of doing homework I fail anyway because I do well on the tests but missing homework. My GPA as of last (currently senior) year was 2.3. My mom tells me that I should do my homework, but when I do she gets mad a lot easier and spends the day telling us hard her life is, but I feel kinda bad for thinking this, but I think that balancing this home work, along with schoolwork, and school is a lot harder, but I would never mention it. She'd probably get madder. She does do work and helps with cleaning, but she doesn't also have the stress of homework with that. There were so many things I wanted to do and finish this past summer, but I spent from dawn to dusk helping around the house. When I let up on housework she has angry fits and yells at us a lot more often, but she's our mom, I wan't her to be happy, but nothings ever enough. I don't have any friends at school, and don't have much in common to talk about, like tv shows, sports or video games. And I feel like I could cry at any moment, and glad I haven't; I like having all of my emotions in control or at least expressed ones in control. I allways thought as soon as I'm in college I'd be out, able to control my own life, but now I'm facing college with bad grades and no money to pay for it, so I might be stuck here. I just don't know what to do, any suggestions?
Thanks for reading this much, I know it was a lot.
I kinda want to be able to watch, tv, play video games (I used to), to practice piano, but maybe I'm just thinking of myself. Family should be put first right?
Sincerely I don't expect anyone to read all this...
Best Answers: What to do.?I'm 16 and live in a family of nine children. ?
Brad | 6 days ago
Wow, can you describe my teen life any better!!!??? I'm the second oldest of eight, and my mom, God bless her, was never, ever happy...and she still isn't. I really think the hormones and the lack of my dad's support literally had her looney. I always wondered why she had all of us...although I wouldn't have it any other way...when all she did was complain to us and at us, when the oldest two helped more than anything. I remember one day my dad was yelling at us about cleaning up and I told him I was doing homework and he said dishes first, homework second. But if I brought home a bad grade, they give me a two hour lecture about responsibility. All I can say is that life will get better and you will appreciate sooooo much what you are doing when you get older. College will be so easy for you because you will know how to balance things. I know this probably seems impossible, but have a chit chat with mom (maybe you can include dad in there) and let her know how much you have to do. If she's anything like my mom, you will have to hear the try having eight (or nine) kids story. But keep your emotions in check. Let her know that although you love your family and want to help out any way you can, some others need to pick up some of the responsibilty. Those brothers can manage without some of what you do for them. You might think that if you don't do some things, they won't get done, or they won't get done right..however, you have to be selfish sometimes. Your future is important too. Your parents made the decision to have such a large household, and it's their responsibility to make sure everyone picks up their fair share, including them!!! Even if this doesn't help, just think, another year and you will be in college, missing all of them and all of what you are doing. I'm so sorry you are feeling like crap right now! It will get better. I'm almost thirty and I love having such a large family. Sure, we all have our moments, but I don't have to live with them anymore!! lol Your relationship improves loads when you can have everyone over for a few hours, then kick them all out!!!! lol Plus, I have two younger brothers, 17 and 13 and I get to give them advice on everything. Keep your head up...things will get better. And you will find finances for school. You will not be stuck there. Even if you get your own place and have to work two jobs to put yourself through school (that is what I did!), you will appreciate what you have so much more. Hope I helped some!!!
Edit...Okay, I think Orla has no clue what you are going through and needs to keep her two cents, okay one cent, to herself. You aren't a martyr so don't listen to that garbage. It's healthy to get things off your chest and I think that is all you are doing. It's hard for people who come from smaller families to understand what we go through. A large family is a blessing, but it's rough at times, especially for the older siblings. Tough it all out...things will def get better. :)
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You need to sit down and talk to your parent's about how the home situation is hurting your grades, and possibly your college career. If you do not think that you can talk to your parents alone get an adult to talk to them with you like a teacher or a chaplin. Good luck
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Tell your parents that you are not the one who made the babies, they are, and they are responsible for them. Stop taking care of your brothers. Just stop it! They will have to do it themselves! Tell them you have to focus on your homework. It is really up to you to claim your rights in this life!
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stop doing all the work.
that's your mother's job.
your job is to go to school and have fun being a teenager. after you graduate move out.
👍 60 | 👎 -18
Hi there. Have you talked to your school counselors and let them know what's going on? Does your school have a psychologist? Definitely talk with your teachers too if you think they will be understanding. (Don't talk about this with people you don't feel comfortable talking too) They might also be able to help you.
It sounds like you truly have your hands full. You're right, family should always be a priority, but guess what: you must put yourself before family.
I also want you to know that I sympathize with your situation. Being the eldest does not mean you are a housekeeper or a babysitter. I am sorry your parents have put you in this situation. I don't agree with it at all. I also hope the problem with the newborn not getting adequate sleep and not sleeping through the night is corrected immediately. Your parents need to know ASAP and if they are not taking care of this , this is child neglect.
Your GPA may be low, but you have your senior year to get it back up there. Also, because you've taken AP classes, universities will be more forgiving when they review your transcripts. You may not make it to a first, or even a second tier university, but often times they are not all they're cracked up to be. Also, you can find a community college or a state school, and take prerequisite classes, and get excellent grades, and attempt to transfer to a better school later on. Never, never, never make the mistake that your past determines your future. You will only become stuck if you let yourself become stuck. Don't succumb to the frog in the water mentality.
You should do your homework immediately after school. Homework is something that's directly benefiting you, so you need to prioritize that. You should also be able to devote a certain amount of time per day (like 30 minutes or an hour) working on something *you* like to do... Like learning the piano or playing a computer game or maybe watching some television.
Your next priority is then family... house chores, babysitting and taking your brothers to the park is all benefiting your family. You should try to figure out a plan to split chores up appropriately among your brothers. If they're not willing to listen, don't take them to the park. Set some rules if your parents will not. If your parents are coercing you to do these things, you should bring this up with someone you can trust (at school, church, or anything) immediately. This is a serious issue.
If you can't correct the problem, stay as strong as you can mentally, and weather the storm until you're 18. Then, you will have your entire life ahead of you, and you will know that your future success will have everything to do with your personal strengths and nothing to do the misery endured in your childhood.
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Originally Answered: I need help in my family. We are christian and would like to worship the Lord. Our children are watching us.?
It is hard to be in a marriage where one spouse has more of a desire to grow spiritually than another, and it happens quite often. Unfortunately, I tend to see more of this situation that you describe, in which the wife is more interested than the husband. The tricky situation is that scripturally, your husband is to be the spiritual leader of his household, not you. I really think that if you start trying to make him read his Bible or nagging him to become more involved in your Bible study, you will not only drive him away from it and from you, you will be taking away the opportunity from him to grow into that leadership role himself. Why should he, after all, if you're already filling those shoes?
My advice would be to do several things. First, in lieu of forcing him to study with you, take the time to study alone for now. Let it known (kindly, not pressuring) that there is an open invitation to study with you, but state that once and let it go. Take joy in the scriptures and don't focus on him joining you. He may see how much you appreciate your time studying the Bible, or he may not. But the worst you can do is give up on Bible study because he has given up on it. In time, he may come to appreciate Bible study and your example will be a help and encouragement to him.
Second, are you going to church? Do you have any strong Christian friends, be they couples, family members, or pastors? In my limited experience, and while it is not always the case, spiritually men tend to be able to reach men better than women reaching men. Spending time around another man who has taken a spiritual role with his family might have a lasting impact on your husband, even if it doesn't take hold right away.
Thirdly, be a patient, loving, and supportive wife. You should not only accept him for who he is, but respect him for it. You have no idea how much support and respect mean to a husband. If he feels that you are disappointed in him or that you don't respect him, he will pull away from you. Even if you are spiritually divided, keep your marriage together.
Most importantly, pray. Pray for your marriage, for your husband's spiritual life, and for your family.