Why is she doing this.?
Topic: Why is she doing this.?
July 16, 2019 / By Shulamite Question:
okay my daughter is 15 and lately she's been, well, scarring me. She's lying about everything. Where she's going, about her grades. I found out that she hasn't done her homework in the 3 months, Also this weekend she told me she was going to the mall with her friend "Tay" (what kind of name is that?) but while she was gone her friend "Tay" called asking where she was. And when she came home she smelled like cigarettes and guys cologne. When i asked her about it she lied and swore she was at the mall with "Tay". And also her taste in music has changed drastically! She used to listen to Rhianna and all those other popular pop artist now she mainly listening to some guy named "Jeffree Star" who frankly scares me and not to mention his music is highly inappropriate for anyone much less someone her age. And also her appearance has changed. She just dyed her beautiful blonde hair black and now she wears green eyeshadow up to her eyebrows. And also no matter how hot it gets she wears long sleeves. Also the way she talks to me makes me want to cry sometimes. I honestly don't know what to do. Please help! thanks you so much!
sorry i hit r twice when i put scaring.
Best Answers: Why is she doing this.?
Phemie | 1 day ago
These changes are very drastic and seem out of your control. During my teen years my mother and I never saw eye to eye, though my situation wasn't as extreme as your daughters', we had to seek outside help. There are a multitude of options available regardless of your income. You can start by contacting the school, since homework is an issue, and have them set up regular meetings between your daughter and a school counselor. Also, most schools have school psychologists to work with harder situations. Outside of school you can arrange for you and your daughter to meet with a psychologist or counselor to help foster communication between you two. (Don't go to a psychiatrist first, they're very expensive and too often try to solve problems with medication.)
If money is an issue try Catholic Charities, they have an excellent program called Strengthening Families where they provide counseling and mental health services, and you do not have to be catholic to take advantage of these services. It's possible that the bulk of the counseling will be between your daughter and the counselor, which is fine, but you can also have it where you both regularly meet with the counselor who will serve as a mediator.
It is pertinent that you get help for your daughter and build your relationship with her.
I hesitate to mention this, but when you write that she insists on wearing long sleeves all the time -- have you seen her bare arms lately? You should check that she's not hurting herself.
I've attached two links to Catholic Charities, the first about their program and the second on locating one near you. You're in a tough situation and I really hope the best for you and your daughter. Teen years are tough and teenagers always feel like nobody understands them or know what they're going through. It's crucial that you do what you can to improve your communication with her and build your relationship as soon as possible. I wish you the best of luck!
👍 250 | 👎 1
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It seems like there's a conflict. you have to be stern with your daughter. also try to have a heart to heart with her. this might help the situation. The lying and grades is totally out of the question, but the change in music and hair and appearance is ok. she's probably just going through a phase right now. she's only fifteen. and the deal with the long sleeves is that she's EMO! emo people cut themselves on their wrists. that's why she wears long sleeves to hide the scars and cuts. back to the grades and lies. let her know that if she keeps lying she won't get permission to go out. and if she doesn't pick up her grades she'll get more chores and go out a lot LESS. or that you'll take away her cell phone,computer,etc. i hope i helped.
👍 110 | 👎 -7
Well all girls about this age go through what they call, "the change." The best thing you can do is be supportive of this change, the more you are supportive the more she can open up to you and tell you things. The worst thing to do is just totally be strict with her because thats when they start doing things that they know is going to P you off and make choices that may have hard consequences. I went through this change when I was fifteen and my mother just didn't approve of it at all and was so mean about the fact. I then went and got myself pregnant and tried throwing that in her face, turns out it was just a BIG smack right in my face for the next 18 years! Just be understanding with her and support her change. Listen to the music with her, even though it may sucks, lol, and tell her that her hair looks nice. She will eventually grow out of it.
👍 110 | 👎 -15
Time to accept reality, your daughter has stepped beyond what can be allowed as general rebellion and establishing her individuality and has gone into the unacceptable range. Number 1, she lied to you and you caught her. I assume that she is now grounded for at least a month, during which time she will have plenty of time to start catching up on that missed work. Especially since she won't have a phone or i-pod or cd player to listen to the current musical choice!
You say you don't know what to do but you really do. You have to put your foot down and be a parent. Yes for a while she will be nasty and aver that she hates you, oh well that is part of being a parent. If you don't stand up and take care of things now, you are throwing her life down the tubes. You must discipline her, quickly and appropriately. And you must stick to it. Guess it is time for you both to grow up.
👍 110 | 👎 -23
i am around her age and i have been through that stage but not as bad.
I felt that my life sucked and that it would be better with loud music and screaming. Jeffree Star is someone who is giving her a bad way of dealing with things. His music is all about sex and drugs and things that are not good for her to listen to while going through this stage. My mom would force me to go shopping with her and doing mother daughter things. She did keep me on a short leash too which i hated but it helped big time. I know its wrong but sometimes a mother has to do what a mother has to do. Follow her... wherever she is going just follow. when you see something wrong calmly speak to her about it like an adult. if you get too angry and speak to her like a child she will consider running away (most likely)
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